VG Kitchen Remodel: The Final Reveal

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

So we started with this:

Beat up. Old. Tired. No working appliances. An extra door. Five god damn layers of linolium. Popcorn ceilings. Sofits. Broken pipes. Busted cabinetry. A light box. Scratched paint.

You get the idea.

Now. Three months later, a lot of backbreaking work, too many trips to Home Depot, and more than a few spousal arguments and grey hairs later.


VG Kitchen Remodel: Flooring & Blueberry Gorgonzola Tartines

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

-Behold! I have harnessed the power of the Earth itself!-

Cooking today. Really really. Aren't you so proud of me?

Enough of that, I have floors! We splurged on this, I admit. We got the really nice laminate floors that can withstand a nuclear bomb so I assume they can take the clackity treading of corgi nails. It's called Cotton Valley Oak and it is stunning to look at. You would never know they're laminate and not actual hard wood. We went with the spongier pads, too, so the floor doesn't have the telltale hollow echo laminate can sometimes have. We are installing it ourselves, which is a pain in the butt but saves us about $700.

On the plus side for me it means husband is always working in just a pair of shorts. So, yay there.

It's beautiful and I am so happy not to be walking on busted up and dusty concrete. Huzzah.

But you're probably here because I promised cooking.

VG Kitchen Remodel: Cabinets and Other Things

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

-Now all these walls need is a kitchen. And paint. Paint would also be nice.-

Can we talk about fast food for a second and without all the jerk-y knee jerk reactions about how it's incredibly processed, and how it's bad for me, and how it's evil, and how it's quite possibly responsible for the collapse of our foodways, and how your cousin heard that McDonald's was secretly funding an underground Nazi terrorist group that is strong in organization but where all members have terrible heart conditions and struggle to breath? (Did you not hear about that? It was in the underground blogs.)

Let's be honest. People wouldn't eat it if it didn't taste good. Second, I had a chocolate-filled croissant and two cups of black tea with cream and white sugar for breakfast today. You can't argue that that wasn't just as unhealthy as anything through the drive-thru window.

Anyways, can we all just agree that McDonald's fries are just the bee's knees? Yes, without a kitchen I have had to throw myself at the world of eating out, and while part of that entails discovering new restaurants there have also been forays into the Monsanto-supported Golden Arches and others of its similar grease-up-the-paper-bag-till-you-can-see-through-it ilk.

VG Kitchen Remodel: The Demo Begins

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Remember this?

-Where the style of the seventies overdosed on weed and died, but not before painting flowers on itself.-


-And now we've begun to dig a proper grave for it.-

The demo has begun. Brian has built a new gate and is redoing the cabinets. I've been packing the old house, doing yard work, and chipping away old floors with a hammer and chisel. It's a work in progress and we aim to be done by mid-June assuming I don't have a stress-related conniption and end up painting my walls with my grey matter. 

VG Kitchen Remodel: Edibles Abound

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

-Bing! You have cherries.-

Did you know that a furnace costs about $3000? I do now. For that kind of money you think I could at least get it in a nifty color like ochre or maybe zebra print. But nope, it had to be replaced because the replacement guy was all, "Well, it has to stay disconnected so that means no air conditioning and if you plug it in you risk blowing the place up," etcetera and so on.

I tell ya', it's this kind of things that force feeds me three big helpings of flaming bitch and puts me in such a mood that even Satan won't screw with me.

So yeah, there goes some of my flooring budget. Not sure how I'm going to work that out anymore, goddamnit. This is nothing to say of the surprise duct work that needs to happen and the discovery of the totally broken under the seal guest room window. (We'll be buying cheapest vinyl window I can find. It will be made of old The Monkees records.)

Remodeling is stressful. So much I just don't have the energy to rant about it, which greatly reduces the amount of f-bombs the Internet has to Iron Dome itself from.

But let's talk about some of the positives I have discovered. Most of it edible.

VG Kitchen Remodel: The Before & The Plans

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I'm back. Sort of. Kind of. As you may or may not know depending how often you visit the blog posting has been rather sporadic as of late. Between planning a book tour, a massive fund raiser at my work, and the fingernail ripping pains of escrow I've been rather busy.

Still, I finally closed escrow and come Friday - unless HUD decides to continue being a dick and delays itself again - I should have keys in my hand.

And while there is no running water, or garbage cans, or service to pick up said cans, and a front gate that doesn't latch, there's also crayon on the walls, a turd in the toilet that's been there for two weeks when a homeless guy broke in and stayed the night, and there's a bit of wood rot in the eaves with a moldy shadow that whispers anti-Semitic remarks at me... this house is mine! This piece of crap house is finally mine!

I suppose this sort of euphoria is normal, the way mothers are completely mindwiped of the previous twelve hours of vagina-ripping birth horror the second they pick up their child. House keys do the same thing with memories of escrow. Had I not documented the fact that it was such a nightmare I would probably just pass it off in conversation as, "Oh yes, it was unpleasant. You'll get through it though. It's so worth it!

I have yet to see this be the case for myself, but after looking at my interest rate and mortgage payments that are scads lower than what I was paying in rent it's certainly shaping up to be. 

Until that time comes around there must be construction. The kitchen, to be exact. The rest of the house consists of lots of little projects. (Well, okay, the yard is Lovecraftian Beast formed of neglect and spite and crowned with a dilapidated hot tub; but that can wait.) 

The kitchen has gas. That's the plus. The only plus.

Currently, the layout as it stands is crap. It's tiny and impractical for functional flow or movement. The oven is totally busted and there is no fridge or dishwasher to speak of. There's a poorly painted door where someone didn't tape up the glass that lies about four feet away from the front door for no logical reason. A tiny nook for a table the size of a footstool is provided for your convenience. The cabinets are ugly and covered in fairly horrifying stencils I assume a bored housewife popped on back in 1978 when it was cool and cable T.V. couldn't fulfill a bored housewife's needs all hours of the day. 

I could go on, but allow me to show you instead...

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