Thursday, December 31, 2009

Smells Like S'mores

When a four-plex built in 1960 burns down it smells like s'mores. Sort of.

As I watched the roof of my apartment burn down with my neighbors it was one of the random thought that sparked in my head. The smell of burning asbestos (which, until now, I didn't know I had) and other, 50 year old, outdated building materials smelled familiar. It was hard to see the flames, my eyes were raw and sore, partly from tears but mostly from smoke. Yet as I watched the fire devour the roof it just uttered out the thought, "It smells like s'mores."

I was told later from one of the firemen that some of the old materials actually had some of the same sugars in their chemical compounds that marshmallows do (there's a pleasant thought). So when a marshmallow catches fire over the smoke of a wood campfire that scorching, charcoal, sweet smell is quite similar to the odor of natural destruction and chaos ravaging your life.

-----

There were actually two fires that night. The first one was around 9 p.m. I was working on my thesis and BF was getting killed again playing Uncharted 2 on the new Playstation 3. Suddenly smoke poured in through the vent above the stove and the room immediately filled with a choking grey haze. People outside began yelling, pounding on doors, and screaming one word: fire.

As we gathered up the most important things - and it is surprisingly easy to figure out what those are when you have minutes to get the fuck out of a burning building; cats, computer, valuable document box - I could feel the smoke in my lungs. It burned and tasted like the chemicals used to sanitize a hospital, you could tell from the way it swirled and grabbed at your eyes and tear ducts that it was toxic.

After the fire department put everything out they deemed it was safe to go in. We had no power or gas, and the kitchen had flooded due to the copper pipes in the wall melting, but we were safe and, honestly, I felt more comfortable keeping my things from potential opportunistic vandals and thieves who might prey on an unihabited building safe by staying there.

BF and I picked up some water and flashlights, came back, and went to bed.

At 2 a.m. I woke up to the cats meowing and the now familiar toxic smell.

"Oh my God, is the fire going again?" There was a fog in the bedroom and I walked to the bathroom where there had been a tiny bit of fire damage from before. Between the lack of sleep, my general haze from waking up and the physical haze I was walking through I forgot all the fire preparedness lessons I learned in grade school. I didn't crawl on my hands and I didn't check the doorknob to the bathroom.

Describing fire as an animal may be cliche', but it's accurate. When I opened the bathroom door smoke belched out, washed over me and the entire upstairs, and then fell down the stairs into the living room like a lugubrious poltergeist bent on destruction.

The entire bathroom was on fire. The flames licked around the medicine cabinet before it fell from its place on the wall, the fire now exposing the rest of its hellish body made of twisted, curling flares. The heat blasted me backwards a bit, a miniture backdraft slamming me into the wall. My head crashed into the mirror behind me cracking it and leaving a small bruise. The fire roared. My god, it's a sound you can't forget. A dark and frightful voice bellowing as it devoured, ate, and consumed. A beast fueled by wood, brick, and schadenfreude. It would have the walls, it would have the bathroom, and given the chance it would have me.

"The fire's back! Get the stuff again and RUN!!!" I slammed the door behind me in an attempt to trap it the fire and smoke and, hopefully, slow it down. As BF and I attempted to dress in the dark and smoke we called the cats. We shoved them into a single carrier, grabbed the important things and ran out.

We looked up and saw the entire roof was on fire. My neighbors were all escaping themselves and onlookers gazed in horror as the firefighters came once again to put out the reflash that had taken over the building.

-----

It's two days later. My roommate is back from San Diego and he and I are living with Elise at the moment who has kindly put us up.

The apartment is a charred out husk now. All ash, smoke, and debris. Due to the toxicity of the building materials we have been advised to only go in for a few minutes at a time as the air is unsafe to breathe.

I just met with the claims adjuster to talk about the damage. (I had renter's insurance, I highly suggest it if you rent and don't have it). All soft goods, i.e. furniture, clothes, mattresses, are totaled. Electronics are totaled. Bathroom is totaled. All food not in the fridge is totaled - either contaminated by smoke, asbestos, or they were boiled or burnt in their own canisters when the fire tore through the kitchen. Pots and plates survived. Due to my insurance everything of mine will be covered. Roommate did not have insurance, so for him not so much. Cookbooks and regular books and school books all survived and will be cleaned through some sort of ozone technology, so yay. Artwork survived as well.

I spent yesterday apartment hunting and just turned in an application. I have to, however, have the cats checked out at the vet as it has been a while since they had their shots or a check up and apartments seem anal about that now.

I'm in Borders using their free wifi and drinking a mocha - right now I survive on caffeine and sugar - and am writing all this out because if I don't I'm pretty sure I'm going to scream and punch a wall out of incoherent rage until my knuckles bleed.

"It could have been a lot worse." It could have. I actually broke down laughing when I walked in the apartment today because, holy crap, it's funny just how totally screwed you can become so quickly. However, I'm tired of hearing "It could have been worse." That's true, but the whole thing still fucking sucks. It fucking sucks a lot.

However, it could have been worse. Thing will get replaced. The cats will see a vet. I have a great support network of family, friends, and bloggers. I will be in Mexico next week with a lot of my blogging buds (I really need the vacation more than ever). No one was hurt, though my lungs hurt a bit and I still smell like smoke after two showers.

It will all work out. It always does.

And sweet, tap dancing, mother-fucking Christ, I never, ever want to eat, see, or smell a s'more ever again.

82 comments:

  1. That sucks! Really, really sucks! I hope you get situated soon and hope venting in writing helped.

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  2. Poignantly, potently written, Garrett. Proof that for those of us who write, the act of writing is the best therapy.

    I am deeply thankful (as I am sure are you) that you, your roommate and your cats are safe. Yes, it fucking sucks, but you will land on your feet and rebound, and all of this will fade to a distant memory soon enough.

    Think of it another way: Catharsis. You're starting 2010 with a clean slate!

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  3. Garrett I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. We had a kitchen fire last month, and thought it was small, it was still so emotionally destructive as we tried to clean and salvage what we could, and realized what could have happened. I'm so glad that you're both safe, and praying for you to find the perfect new apartment as well as getting through the heartache. I'm looking forward to meeting you in Mexico and will have a big hug for you. (Oh, and I promise not to say it could have been worse!)

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  4. that sucks alot. like really alot. thank god for renters insurance and vacations in mexico next week. Hope it all gets worked out soon and you truly enjoy Mexico - I'd say its a well needed vaca!

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  5. It's bad enough to have to deal with one in a lifetime but two in one night?! So very sorry. I know you don't want to hear this at all, let alone from a stranger, but it could have been very, very bad.
    I wish that some semblance of peace and normalcy come back into your life very, very soon. Also, that you never smell a s'more for as long as you don't want to.

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  6. Great writing... I hope the lack of s'mores in your life proves therapeutic in all ways.
    Cheers~Ivy

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  7. Oh Garrett. I am so so so sorry. There are no words for how much that sucks, honestly. Gah.

    Wish I lived nearby so that we could go through some therapeudic baking/cooking/beating-the-shit-out-of-something together.

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  8. Wow... screw trying to be positive, that effing SUUUUCKS. Wish I could do anything to help, but glad you're ok and at least have a friend like Elise to stay with.

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  9. Bummer to hear, though the somewhat inappropriate thought of "out with the old" kept bouncing in my mind when reading this post. It is Dec. 31st, afterall.

    But glad you have friends to stay with and that you got renter's insurance. Best of luck finding a new place in the new year.

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  10. Oh, Garrett, what an awful thing to happen! I'm so happy to hear that you, your BF and cats are safe. And have a relaxing and regenerative time in Mexico--your vacation couldn't come at a better time.

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  11. Garrett,

    I'm so glad you're writing this all out as it happens. Having your life burned down is traumatizing. Life changing.

    I lost my family home (almost a decade to the day of your fire) and I still find myself shaken up by the whole thing. It's the little things that you lose, the family trinkets,the folded notes--that I really miss. I'm so glad you got out (mostly) unhurt, that you got your computer, your BF, and your cats on that last run out the door.

    I'm so glad I'll be seeing you soon to give you this great big hug I'm saving up for you.

    Brooke

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  12. oh NO! i am so, so sorry dear!!!! :(

    my heart goes to you. i hope you settle in to a new [safe!] place soon.

    *hugs*

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  13. Man, this sucks, but it really focuses you on the important things in a startlingly clear way! You have your cats, your BF, and your life- it could have been so much worse!
    My advice- borrow a kitchen, make a ton of bread dough, and just slam the crap out of it as you knead it. It'll feel so good afterwards!
    Here's hoping 2010 is a hell of a lot better- your writing, by the way, is a joy to read.

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  14. Glad to hear you're safe and hope you find yourself back on your feet again soon. Enjoy Mexico.

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  15. Oh no that really really sucks! Talk about starting fresh for the new year...

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  16. Fuck - that's terrifying - waking up to it being on fire again? How the hell could they have cleared it to be safe to go back inside?

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  17. Has the phrase "it could have been worse" every made ANYONE feel better in the history of time? Ever? All it does is spread a thin layer of guilt over your existing misery.

    I'm so sorry to hear about this. I know sentiments from internet strangers makes no difference to anyone, really.

    Garrett, you have some really awful luck, man. I'm glad to hear that everyone survived, though.

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  18. Garrett, I've never commented, but I've enjoyed following your blog for quite a while now. Let me say that I'm so glad that you, your BF, and your cats are all safe. I wish you luck in finding a new home. Be well.

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  19. Gosh, Garrett - so sorry! We never realize how important something is - just little stuff - until we lose it. Losing your belongings is a traumatic (emotional) event, like divorce, death of a family member, so know you're emotions are raw. Hang in there - easier to say than to do. I'll say a prayer for you.

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  20. Garrett,
    I know we don't live very far from each other, but when I'll see you sooner in Mexico I will give you a hug. So glad you're coming, and so sorry for everything you went through.

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  21. This was such a beautifully written, but heartbreaking post. I'm thankful that you all made it out safely.

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  22. I don't think I've ever commented on this blog before, but I really wanted to express my sympathy and relief that you and your family are okay.

    I don't have any words of wisdom or pithy sayings, all I can give you is my deepest sympathies, and thank goodness that everyone is okay.

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  23. WOW...I don't know what to say except that I am really, really sorry. I'm so glad that noone got hurt.

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  24. OH MY, Garrett. The chaos is revealed, not clearly but with all the muddle and confusion you must have felt.

    Be well ...

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  25. Wow. Someone's already said that word at least once. At a bit of a loss for what to say except glad to hear that you are alright, the BF's alright, and the cats doubly so ;) Very sorry about the cookbook and hopefully the thesis was archived elsewhere.

    Bottom line, glad you're ok. Enjoy your holiday.

    Matt

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  26. I am so sorry! I am very glad you, your BF, and the kitties were not hurt.

    I cannot imagine how difficult this time has been for you. Enjoy your break in Mexico, as you most definitely need it.

    PS: Saw your review on Raja's up on the wall by their buffet. I was surprised to see a name I recognized on the article!

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  27. I am so sorry :( Hopefully your vacation is a fabulous one <3

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  28. Seriously? I'm so glad you are safe.

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  29. I'm glad you got out okay with your cats. I wish you luck in getting your life back to a state of normal.

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  30. It's amazing to me what a great writer you are even in the midst of tragedy. Yes, I know it could have been alot worse (I have two friends with cancer right now, one of them terminal) - but still, it totally sucks. Here's to a better 2010 - for you and your roommate and for the world at large.

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  31. yikes!!

    I'm so glad you and the cats &c. are safe. Best wishes for some happiness in the midst of all the mess.

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  32. I've never commented before, but have enjoyed your blog for quite some time now. I am so deeply sorry for what has happened. You're in my thoughts.

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  33. Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do. I have lots of spare kitchen stuff if you need. Here's hoping 2010 is a lot less "exciting."

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  34. I am so sorry - what a terrible mess. Thankfully no one was injured and even the cats made it out. I just wanted to let you know that someone else was thinking of you and hoping that 2010 treats you better.

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  35. You know, I thought I had a bad year, but I think you've got me beat, kiddo. I am so sorry to hear about this. Best to you in the new year.

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  36. Garret, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. Thanks God you and BF got out with your cats. Yes, it could indeed have been much worse, but that's cold comfort when you're going through such a traumatic event. With the help of your renter's insurance (something that everyone should have, without exception; it's not expensive, especially when you consider the cost of replacing everything), you'll get yourself back together as far as possessions are concerned. It takes far longer for the emotional damage to heal. You're strong, and in time you'll be just fine.

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  37. The loss of home and possessions is unimaginable. I'm glad that you, the BF, and your cats are alright. Take care and enjoy Ixtapa!

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  38. O.M.G! I can't imagine how horrifying that was to go through TWICE. I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. Having said that, you managed to write about it with such grace and lucidity. If I had gone through that, I could probably barely spell my name, let alone write such a vivid retelling.

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  39. I am so sorry this happened to you. Things can only look up from here though!
    Best of luck and may 2010 bring you all of the best.

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  40. Thank God for renter's insurance - I tell all my friends they HAVE to have it. And I'm glad you guys, the cats, and the cookbooks are safe. Let us know what you need.... we're here for ya.

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  41. oh my goodness gracious. i am so glad to hear that you and your loved ones are safe - things are missed, yes, but ultimately replaceable. smart you for having an important documents box - i have renters insurance but not that. on my to do list today!

    please let your community here know if there is anything you need - i would be, and i'm sure others as well, more than willing to help, even if it's just a little bit. be well garrett.

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  42. I'm so sorry! People may say it's just stuff, but it wasn't THEIR stuff. It's okay to be thankful for your life and still be sad for what you lost. You and your roommate and your cats are in my prayers.

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  43. That really sucks. I'm sorry. I hope your lungs feel better soon, and that the tropical air (and the tropical drinks) can provide some relief, however temporary.

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  44. Bad luck but honestly, the first thing I thought of was what great fodder this will be for your writing. In the face of all tragedies (and gosh, losing all your clothes is definitely tragedy), there lies great opportunity. I have been there, fire destroying all of that seemed important to you but, you get through it. Yea, it sucks and yea, it could have been worse but, I immediately think about what a great chance it is for you to move, get a brand new wardrobe and use this experience to write and explore what truly matters to you.

    2010, definitely a smoking new year for you(corny joke, I know, but c'mon how often do you get to use those amazingly corny one liners?)

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  45. Am really sorry to read this Garrett, I do hope you get another suitable home soon.

    I am amazed you managed to gather up the cats - I really am. My two are harder to round up in more or less direct proportion to how urgently I need to get them.

    Enjoy Mexico and hope all sorts itself out soon.

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  46. Garrett- I'm so sorry to hear this. I've come to love you without having ever me you. In the face of such a tremendous and terrible thing, you've written about it so beautifully, I hope this helps you to feel a moment's respite. I'm glad y'all are ok- cats included.
    -Courtney

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  47. Holy crap. That really sucks.
    I'm sorry. I don't even know what to say to that.
    Except thank you for sharing, because I'm somewhat ashamed to say I find the likeness of smells a rather fascinating tidbit of information.

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  48. I am so glad you the roommate and kitties are ok! It sucks you lost things but you had renters insurance, i hope you get everything replaced quickly and that your roomie can get some stuff replaced.
    Hopefully instead of looking at this badly think of it as a fresh new start.

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  49. Garrett- Is there anything those of us out here in the vanilla garlic universe can do to help? Kitty vet bills donations or something?

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  50. Thank you, everyone, for your kindness. Right now I am working on finding a new place and dealing with the insurance and all that entails. I will try to keep everyone abreast of things and post Another post or two or get some pictures when I can as right now I only have my iPhone to get online. Thank you again for your support. It always amazes me how kind people really can be. :) -Garrett

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  51. Love you Brother. We both have a rough start to a year. I hope both of us have better luck next year. I am glad you and the cats are safe, and that you had insurance. At least there is a lot of shopping in your future.

    -your younger bro.

    ps. the word verification is firep

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  52. Oh no!! So sorry to hear the bad news!! Hope everything works out well from now onwards! Glad you guys and cats are safe! Take care! :)

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  53. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear about your TWO fires (yikes). Thankfully it sounds like no living beings were hurt but that is still a lot of loss to take in. Please enjoy your trip to Mexico and hopefully things will be better in the new year!

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  54. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry, Garrett! Good thing you all got out okay. I hope you can find some time to rest and recover! Good luck with finding another apartment.

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  55. Hope this year gets better for you. Glad you're ok!

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  56. Oh my goodness, I'm so glad you and your neighbors and everyone are okay! That's horrible. I hope you can relax a bit on your upcoming trip with other bloggers. So so so glad you're safe *hugs*

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  57. So sorry to read about this! I hope things get better for you, the BF and the cats soon.

    Please keep us updated when you can. If there's any way readers could help...

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  58. Oh shit, that sucks. Hope you get settled again soon and you didnt lose too much of importance. Not a great way to start the new year :(

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  59. So glad you are safe Garrett! Fire is absolutely terrifying and I hope that it never happens again!
    -Michelle

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  60. Honey, I can't wait to see you next week and we will drink, eat and be merry!

    Hugs to you, glad you're safe...

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  61. Holy shit!

    Garret, glad to hear you, BF and kitties are alive and here to tell the story.

    I was just explaining to my husband (who doesn't read blogs. Blasphemy) that the blogging community is like a family. Having him read your story, and explaining who Elise is etc. is certainly proof of concept.

    2010 will certainly be a better year for you. You can only go up from here. Enjoy Mexico!

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  62. [hug] you're right it does fucking suck. but so glad you're all right and you had insurance!

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  63. Garrett- So sorry to hear about this horrible misfortune, but also so glad the toll was only in things. Hopefully before long you will be back on your feet.In the meantime, giving your anger and angst a voice will help you deal and remind those of us out here how life can change in just an instant!

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  64. Garrett, I am so sorry to hear this devastating news. I'm glad you, BF and cats made it out only reeking of smoke, and I'm sorry about how much of a pain this must be for you. Please take care, and best of luck on finding a new place to live.

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  65. Oh my word, I am so glad you all got our safely and yay for noisy kitties at 2 AM!
    Yes it might have been worse, but this is quite enough shit to deal with right now, really. Ugh. I'm just so sorry to hear this happened.
    We had a flood last summer, all in the basement, but it was all sewage (3 feet of it) and oh, what a character buiding adventure of suckitude. That is nothing compared to what you are going through right now!
    But it took out every tacky piece of crap from my mother in law in one fell swoop and now my basement is really clean, really freaking clean. That's my silver lining!

    I hope you are settled in soon with the kitties and fully functional electronics and good cooking gear.

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  66. I'm so sorry to hear about your apartment! Sounds like you've had enough heat to last you a lifetime. Hope you have a great and restful vacation in Mexico!

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  67. Holy Shit!! That totally fucking sucks. Glad to hear you and the eat beast escaped unharmed. Hugs to you and yours.

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  68. OMG! As I was reading this I kept waiting for the bit where you would reveal that it was a just a bad dream or something. Thank God you woke up the second time! Wishing you the strength to deal with it all.

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  69. I'm sending you love and best wishes from the frozen north. I am so glad to hear that everyone is safe and that eatbeast didn't try to taste the s'more smell.
    I hope you have a great vacation

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  70. Oh my gosh! That's so awful! It's so lucky that you and loved ones didn't get hurt. That said, it does still suck majorly. I hope getting everything back isn't TOO much of a hassle. Best wishes during a tough time :(

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  71. What a harrowing experience. You're a talented, engaging writer and will no doubt rise from the ashes. Thinking good thoughts for you as you do.

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  72. Garrett, I'm so sorry for your loss. I am thankful that you, your BF, and the cats are safe. Good luck in your search for a new place, and enjoy the vacation in Mexico, you deserve it!

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  73. It's just stuff. Thankfully you got out in one piece, your health is what's important.

    Try living in a place that's not so damn old...they're never safe enough.

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  74. I've been camping for a few days, and therefore, out of touch...clearly way out of touch. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, but wanted to add my sorrow over your situation to everyone else's. Thank God for good friends, like Elise, and those that you can commiserate with in Mexico.
    Hugs from me to you.

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  75. I am so thankful that you are alright and safe!! I have not read your blog in a few days because of the holiday rush and teaching again. Thank goodness for renter's insurance and I never liked s'mores to begin with.

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  76. Garrett,
    I'm so glad that you, your BF and the cats are safe.

    Sorry about your stuff. I hope you guys (esp. your roomate) don't take too huge of a financial hit over this.

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  77. I'm glad you're safe!

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  78. I've been away from the net for a while and just saw this. I'm so sorry for your loss! Good luck with the apartment hunt.

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  79. Garrett, this post is heart breaking. It's good to read you in the aftermath and see that it's still you on this blog! Your peers thought this post was not just tragic, but dare we say really well-written too. That's why you've been chosen as the BlogHer of the Week! I did a write up of this post on BlogHer: http://www.blogher.com/blogher-week-vanilla-garlic.

    Thanks for continuing to write through thick and thin. We're reading!

    Best,

    Jory

    (For Jory, Lisa, and Elisa, BlogHer Co-Founders)

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  80. Sorry to hear about all this. Almost a year ago I was also woken up to a neighboring apartment building on fire. Luckily it never reached my building. I have to wonder, why on earth did they let you back into the building? We weren't allowed back into our non-damaged building until the next morning. And then we had a fire truck standing by for the next two days just incase a dead wall was discovered. I'm sure you've wondered all this, and had many angry words to say about it all too. Whats more important is moving on and forward with your life.

    Also, yes, yes, yes, renters insurance. It's only a hundred or $150 a year, and so so worth it.

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  81. Hi Garret,
    I just came across your blog, saw "fire" and my brain started spinning. I agree, it's a smell you will never forget. 16 months post losing our apt (cat,fish... everything)I still can't stand the smell of a fireplace or bbq. Especially those nasty, cheap firelogs. Chemical Hades!
    AND I'm so happy to read that someone else got tired of hearing "it could have been worse." lol Thanks for that!

    Enjoying the blog immensely! Thanks for sharing yourself and your yummies!

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Hey, you're leaving a comment! That's pretty darn cool, so thanks. If you have any questions or have found an error on the site or with a recipe, please e-mail me and I will reply as soon as possible.
~Garrett