"Excuse me, can you help me?" A tiny lady in a hot pink sweat suit and sunglasses bigger than a head is facing my friend while I peruse the Asian goods aisle for soba noodles.
"Um, I don't work here," my friend turns around and looks at the lady. Why she asked us I don't know. We're both looking a little unkempt right now; unshaven, wearing tattered clothes, looking like we just came off the bad end of a hard night of drinking (I really just don't bother with making myself pretty on the weekends). Oh, and the lack of the slacks, white shirts, name tags and aprons weren't a giveaway either.
"Well can you help me anyways?"
"Uh, can I ask with what?" my friend replied. We figure, what the hell, maybe it's something simple? I doubt it but at least it's the universe asking him for the small favor which will most likely result in a kick to his karmic groin. I attract The Stupids way too easily, apparently being around me is contagious and attracts them to any carriers I happen to infect. Tough luck for any of you out there who know me on a personal level.
"Can you help me take my groceries to my car?" she queried.
We were puzzled; not from the request but from the fact that she only has a carton of orange juice in her hand. It didn't seem like she was having a problem. "Are your groceries out front?"
"Well I just started shopping, can you just stand by the front and wait for me to finish and then help me to my car?"
"Just wait for you at the front for you to finish?"
I decide to step aside and out of this one, for once it's not me suffering at the hands of The Stupids. I smile and enjoy every minute of it.
My friend however is starting to get annoyed, "Well, I don't work here. They can have a bag boy help you with that."
"But I asked you."
"But I don't work here."
"I don't see what that has to do with it. You said you would help."
This all ended with the lady saying something about today's youth not respecting their elders, or walking to school barefoot up the razor blade streets uphill both ways in the snow. Or something. I dunno. We rolled our eyes and grabbed what we came for. I'm happy that I dodged the bullet for once.
Then I dropped a can of cannellini beans on my sandaled food. Natch.