While normally I shake my fist at you for creating a society full of stupid people that mistake me for a hooker, give their children scalding tea, or think carrots grow on bushes. However, sometimes, they do provide me with a modicum of amusement. Sometimes that stupidity rolls over into a moment of inexplicable, deliriously funny, eye-watering hilarity.
I guess I was just lucky I went to pick up the sushi for the office that day. I guess I was just in the right place at the right time picking up my rolls. Maybe you knew I was having a tiring day and needed a really hard laugh to just make everything better.
Though, God, it seems cruel to make someone that stupid but yet give them just enough ability to function through life, albeit abysmally so. Like an elk with stubby antlers or a cross-eyed kitten, it's sort of pathetic but in an almost adorable way where you just want to pick up the creature and say in a comforting tone, "There there, no one blames you."
So when I walked into the sushi place and began to pay, a girl at the table next to me voice rose and said in a slight panic, her eyebrows wide with worry. "Ow. Ow! Shit. Hold on. I think I still have some wasabi in my vagina. Ow. Damn it!" and then took off to the bathroom. After which her entire table and a few surrounding ones just stared at her wide eyed. You would think we would laugh but you would be wrong. Everyone was just confused. (I did laugh in the car though. Lord, did I laugh.)
So Lord, how does a girl get wasabi in her vagina? Was wasabi maybe code for a fiery STD which was having a flare-up? Maybe slight of hand from one of her dining companions? ("You see the spicy tuna roll in my hand, and now *wave of the fingers* it's gone!") Is she really just that bad with her chopsticks? Is she unaware where exactly food goes (at least in the case of eating it?)? Really, God, really, how does someone in a crowded sushi bar get wasabi up, on, or around her vagina? I can't figure it out.
*I wonder how many readers I scared off forever with the post title?