Doctor, I swear I've put together better cheese plates before. I know the fact that most of my party guests' innards are more knotted than a preschooler's shoelaces says otherwise, but really, my cheese plate wasn't all that bad.
Yes, the homemade pickles may have caused a small case of botulism or two, but who doesn't take that gamble when eating a pickle? They're the roulette of the food world! And sure that one washed rind cheese may have been a bit off, the smell was epic but when it comes to runny, rank cheeses it's such a fine line between aged and apocalyptic.
But, Doc, seriously, you should have tried the Saenkanter. I mean, dang, can the Dutch make a good aged cow's milk cheese. Seriously, my guests were hitting that cheese so hard that if you pulled them off it you'd be crowned the king of England.
And who can blame them? That butterscotch color is so enticing, and the salty caramel flavor - oh my god - a dessert cheese like no other. Cocksure with the taste of salted caramel, it becomes a bit more cheeky when it's paired with dried blueberries or raisins. It's surprisingly flavorful for a pasteurized cheese, and a premier Gouda if I've ever tasted.
The texture is smooth and quite creamy for a hard cheese. It's nicely broken up by the little protein crystals, like little pin-prick fireworks popping in your mouth giving it a playful mouthfeel.
Well, doctor, when you try something like that, you'll be willing to risk anything else sitting on the cheese plate. Which is kinda why we're here now. I also served a blue cheese. Well, technically, it was a Brie. It was just the color blue. But mold is supposed to be good, right?