The Garden Guardian: An Introduction

Sunday, August 1, 2010

-"You have food for me?"-

When BF moved in he brought along to our humble household another cat, bringing us to three people and three felines. Meet Sassy, aka: Grumpy Cat, Garden Guardian, and Scratchy Meows (scratchy not in regards to any clawing but rather her coarse voice, like she's been gargling sand).

She and BF adopted each other years ago when a family abandoned her after they moved. She belonged originally to the young daughter of that family who carried Sassy along like a purse all the time and forced her to stay outside with other, meaner neighborhood cats. (This girl is also the one who, natch, named Sassy.) As such she's not much of a snuggler, though she will when she deems you worthy enough. Furthermore, she despises Cid and Eat Beast, often swatting and chasing them when they enter her personal bubble.

It's actually all quite comical. Eat Beast's sole mission when Sassy, an outdoor cat for the most part, is allowed in the apartment is to sniff her butt and become best friends. Sassy wants no part of it and hates Eat Beast with every fiber of her being. Eat Beast confuses this hate as an invitation to play wrestle. This makes Sassy hate Eat Beast even more and causes her to chase him down and swat him mercilessly. I find this hilarious as Sassy was declawed years ago so Eat Beast just sort of stands there and takes punches to the face completely unfazed and without understanding that no, this is also not an invitation to play wrestle.

-Under the Zebra tomato canopy stalks the mighty hunter.-

Being an outdoor cat Sassy is now queen and guardian of the garden. Any toads that meander in past the fence are swiftly dealt with. Lizards and even snails are put to death after a bit of batting. If there was ever a possible uprising of mice or rats I have yet to hear of it as Black-Ops Sassy has probably snuffed it out.

With so little sport left she now spends her days rolling in the dirt, chilling under the shade of fruit heavy tomato plants which have grown far out of control, or chewing on my mint which gives her astonishingly fresh breath for a cat. She's the ruler of her domain and we're simply her serfs; we till the land while she stretches out across a bed of pennywort amused at our labor and wondering why on earth we aren't petting her simultaneously.

When we do let her inside she's just as ravenous and wanting as Eat Beast for people food. However, where as Eat Beast paces and waits and nudges for food he knows isn't his Sassy is more resolute. She doesn't hope to get some of your food, but rather she walks up and takes what she knows must be hers. She'll simply jump on the table and waltz straight to your plate to grab what she wants without a second thought. In the kitchen she's constantly underfoot and, I think, plotting to kill me mid-prep by tripping over her so she can pilfer to her stomach's content. I chastise BF for being the one to encourage this behavior before we met.

So once again my family has grown. Though, next time it does, I hope for a dog with table manners.

-"Soon, I will murder da hoomins and da Fat Kitty."-


  1. Sassy sounds awesome and she's an absolute beauty. I would LOVE to see what a meeting between Sassy and my StuKitty would be like! Considering they both think they rule the planet, World War III would probably ensue.

  2. You can have Butters. He doesn't beg at all. But you may not punt or throw him.


  3. I love cats. I have two cats, Chilli and Cinnamon, as my blog. It's great to watch them play.
    Your cats should be wonderful and very funny.
    Greetings from Málaga, Spain.


  4. By the way. I like your blog and your recipes



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