Things You Will Never Hear a Sacramentan Say + Chai Thai Tea

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

 -Spicy, sweet goodness like this is needed in skin-melting Sacramento heat.-

Okay, for the non-Sacramentans this might be over your head. If you live here or have visited here then you get it. You just do. At the very least, tourists will have a heads-up.

Things you will never hear a Sacramentan say:

1: I have no opinion about the new Kings stadium.

2: We need another Korean restaurant on Folsom.

3: I found free parking in midtown!

4: I'm excited for the new frozen yogurt shop that opened.

5: I love how safe the Amtrak stations are.

6: I feel overwhelmed by the police presence in Arden.

7: 45th street is so god damn filthy.

8: What's crystal meth?

9: I volunteer regularly.

10: Local craft beer? I'm more of a PBR person.

11: There's so much to do here that I never go to The City.

12: I'm just not into Farm to Fork.

13: Yay August!

14: Let's take a walk around South Sac tonight.

15: If I do another half-marathon it will be the death of me.

16: Of course I own a tux.

17: There's no good Farmer's Market near me.

18: Bike friendly!

19: Who the fuck is Patrick Mulvaney?

20: I just don't get what people like about Ginger Elizabeth Chocolates.

21: Ugh, Moscow Mules.

22: Let me tell you my secret river spot.

23: I shouldn't have a second Thai iced tea.

24: The east coast can keep their ramps.

25: I understand the theory behind the I-80 and the Business 80.

In regards to August, Sacramento regularly gets up in the triple digits. For those times it's nice to have a few good chilled drink recipes on-hand. Knowing how to make a Moscow Mule, Sangria, or Thai iced tea is essential in Northern California. In fact, most people I know just make large pitchers of the stuff and keep it on-hand for the week.

Because I'm like my mother and my mother's mother I'm a fusser and cannot leave well enough alone. I'm also a fan of assonance and alliteration. So to make use of that Master's degree in composition and to make my family proud I make my Thai iced tea a chai Thai iced tea. Vanilla bean, star anise, cinnamon, cloves, and cardamom pods all get tossed into the brew pot and the result is nothing less that stupendous.

Top the tea with some half-n-half and a good spoonful of tapioca balls (for what gay man doesn't like a bunch of cream covered balls in their mouth, amiright?) and you've got a solid way to beat August.

Or a week of bitch-ass, 100° weather in the middle of May because God is angry with our sins of reality television and sugary yogurt cups.


Garrett out.

Thai Chai Tea Recipe
I use this tea and these boba, by the way, if you're curious.  The recipe I use is Todd and Diane's, however, I toss in a vanilla bean, 5 cloves, a star anise, a cinnamon stick, a few slices of ginger, and some cardamom pods. However, chai is subjective so use what uou want.


  1. I will never,ever- in the whole entire rest of my life- be able to drink boba tea with a straight face. Thank you.

  2. Got to love those cream covered balls. That statement just made my day!

  3. Does such a place exist where "Ugh, Moscow Mules" is a common reaction? If so, that's not a place I EVER want to be.

  4. LOVE this entry (as ALL your entries) :) Sac girl - born and raised and STILL here.


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