Excerpts From Steamy Romance Novels for Food Writers: Pluot & Vanilla Jam

He began to stand on his chair. Stalwart. Strong. Almost as quick as his flash she reached out to him and pleaded. "If you don't sit down they'll know we're writing a Yelp review." Yet, she knew he cared nothing for her reviews, regardless of how witty they were. All that mattered was his food porn.

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He gazed longingly at her as she paraded the coconut cake with homemade, organic Meyer lemon curd and Italian buttercream frosting made with fair trade Tahitian vanilla beans to the table. She had shaved the coconut herself; a dedication that only made her more desirable. He would have to chain back his lust before leaping upon her and the cake until she had a good shot for her Pinterest board.

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They couldn't understand why someone would call that question into The Splendid Table when a Google search would have been more efficient.

Banned Words for Food Writers + Giveaway

-Some of this shit stops now.-

Dear Food Writers, Bloggers, Etcetera. The following words are now banned. Please be on note.

These words have been banned because they are pedantic, unimaginative, and dull. Reckless use of these words will result in a public flogging, followed by nude walk down the nearest major street where the locals will be instructed to point and laugh at your genitals.

Food writing should be clever, thoughtful, witty, informative, timely, or something straddling combinations of all that. It should not be "good."

You have been warned.

Good: Why? Why is it "good?" Was it not fantastic? Was it not horrible? "Good" doesn't say anything except that it was something pleasing. You have to tell me why it was good. Rough cuts of potatoes? The delightful bits of charring? The subtle use of lavender in the pastry cream that brought out the floral qualities of the strawberries? Give me more than "good."

Bad: See above.

Nice: See above. Also, I will fucking slap you.

Great: See above. Seriously, just no more blah and boring words. Remember what your English teacher in high school said, "Show, not tell." Don't tell me it was great, show me why it was great.

Mirabelle Plum Sauce

-It's awesome having the hookup.-

One of the best kind of friends to have are the friends who know people. Whether this means connections in your line of work, access to back stage, or getting you hooked up with the best hair stylist having a buddy in the know is always a plus. I'm happy to have many such people in my life who are able to educate me, connect me, and help me blossom in both work and play.

My food blogging buddy, Lynn of Sacatomato, recently helped me with the latter. She knows a guy who has some trees that bear too much fruit. With this connection she was able to score me 8 pounds of plums to play with. Satsumas and Mirabelles, no less.

I've talked about Mirabelle plums here before. They're hard to locate in the U.S. and unless you know someone with a tree your chances of finding them are slim to nil.

For the most part, Mirabelles are a tad too sweet for me. Sugary, flowery, and just plain intense. After eating one or two I'm usually good for the year. That's why I spun them into a delectable spiced plum sauce perfect for ice cream, cheese plates, and pancakes. It's warm, floral, spicy, and fruity - everything a good fruit sauce should be. While you can use overripe plums of any variety for this I encourage you to try Mirabelles if you can find any.

-Star anise, cinnamon, and vanilla flavor this sauce. However, the flavors of the plums still stand out.-

Mirabelle Plum Sauce
I didn't skin these as the plums were too ripe to do so. However, Mirabelle skins are very thin and break down for the most part in cooking.

5 cups Mirabelle plums, chopped
3 cups sugar
1/2 vanilla bean, seeded
1 cinnamon stick
1 star anise
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon butter

Combine all the ingredients in a pot. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Skim off any foam that forms. Continue to stir for 30 minutes until the mixture has thickened. Pour into sterilized jars. Process for canning if you so desire or simply store in the fridge. Makes 4 1/2 - 5 cups.

-Excellent with blue cheeses as a stand-in for honey.-