Carrot Berries

Friday, December 14, 2007

From the Archives, a favorite post of mine.
An actual conversation today at work with some guy who interjected himself into a conversation I was having on the phone...

Me: So I was so lucky my friend gave us some fresh produce this weekend!

Other Person: I love fresh produce! I picked some carrots from my carrot bush the other day.

Me: ...Carrots grow underground.

Other Person: Uh, no. Have you ever grown carrots before? *insert person looking at me like I'm an idiot*

Me: No.

Other Person: Well I have; they grow on a bush.

Me: No. They don't.

Other Person: *soaking with sarcasm* Then obviously my mom's carrots I got weren't carrots, I guess! They were just carrots that just grew on a bush like a berry somehow!

At this point I ended the conversation. There were just too many things to say. God damn it, my 7 year old nephew knows how a carrot grows.

I hate humanity sometimes.


  1. Oh my goodness. Is this person a real live educated person? I like how you include the Wiki link just in case we wanted to make sure you weren't lying. =P

  2. Hahaha...Why do you always end up with such ass clowns? How old is this person? Next time, take pictures of such people. ;)

  3. Oh my. Where do you meet these people?

  4. Well of course they do, just like spaghetti grows on trees.

  5. Try as I might, I can't imagine what these carrot-like items were that he supposedly plucked from a bush.

    I think you should ask him to bring some to work.

  6. I have to say I'm dying to see a pic of this carrot bush. You should have this person bring in a pic to "prove you wrong". :)

  7. Oh wow! You had a live one there!

    Probably thinks rabbits live in rivers too...

  8. I don't know if spaghetti grows on trees but if you plant a meatball it turns into a tree.

  9. You do work with some beauts. Remind me not to invest in your company :D

  10. Anyone else dying to know what this guy thinks are carrots????

  11. I am thinking hot peppers. Have him bring some and offer to make a cupcake out of it! I tell ya, many are Idiots. Probably the same folks who drink MUR-LOT and eat TORR-TILL-EE-YAS. (Yes, I work with them)

  12. I am thinking he just had a brain fart and meant maybe bell or chili pepper(?).

    Still, the attitude needs to go.

  13. twilight zone for foodies?


  14. My mom is doing this all the time. We call it verbal dyslexia. She can get pretty adamant about what she is saying when we question her, even though she has the words mixed up. I've got to believe that was what was going on. Either that or the guy is a complete idiot.

  15. I have a carrot berry tree.

    It's right next to my money bush on my unicorn farm.

  16. If he's not a total mo-mo ("Moron squared") then he's prolly thinking of Bulgarian carrot chilis, a nuclear-yet-flavorful chili that is amazing with tangerine or mango in a salsa...But my money's on mo-mo.

  17. Garret,
    Freddie wants to know why the United States has carrot trees and why we have to dig them dirty out of the soil in the UK.

    Great Big Veg Challenge

  18. Could you please post a photo of what he actually is talking about? I'm dying to know!

  19. hahaha...I'd have been hard-pressed not to grab this moron and shake him hard. I love how sarcastic they were too - hope they see this.
    Have you noticed how these stories of yours really help me vent my pent up anger. Very therapeutic indeed.

  20. I had a friend in college (who is now a law student)who, it turned out, thought that bell peppers grew underground. Just goes to show you how far humanity (especially American humanity)has separated itself from mother nature. And I know she was talking about bell peppers, not something else, because we were cooking with them at the time...

  21. Refer him to the World Carrot Museum at

    It should answer just about any question s/he ever had about carrots...

    Otherwise a shovel to the back of the head and a shallow grave to remove said individual from the gene pool might be your next step...

  22. Absolutely love your post...EXCEPT...when you felt it necessary to say "G-- Damm It"...
    I thought when I read "G--" that we
    were going to pray. Please....don't spoil your writing by taking the name of the Lord.


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