Lids and Creamer are to Your Left

Friday, May 4, 2007

So I promise some cupcake recipes and restaurant reviews are coming, but right now my tire blew up and I'm dealing with peons at Big O Tires (swear to God, one day when I become a powerful demon of vengeance, I will engrave their sins upon their very souls before I devour them).

Sooner or later my bad luck streak will end. Until then, I found this old post from the Livejournal I kept back in college when I worked in a coffee shop in Borders. Enjoy.

I'm sorry ma'am. I don't think we're liable if your kid spilled your hot tea all over himself cause you went to browse newspapers and left your toddler with a drink boiling at scalding temperatures because you're a horrible parent with a screaming idiot brat that spawned or congealed out from you.
Lids and creamer are to your left.

I'm sorry sir, I have no idea why your sugar cookie has sugar. No, I didn't know you had diabetes, keeping track of that should be your job. No, no we do not have sugar free sugar cookies.
Lids and creamer are to your left.

No, it's not soy. It says it large black letters on the can "HALF & HALF." Yes, I will remake your drink if you shut the hell up and take your ugly 1991 retro dedication to Jump Street-90210 -Melrose Place haircut and leave me the f*** alone. Learn to read.
Lids and creamer are to your left.

A cappuccino with no foam is called a latte. Yes, I'm sure. Yes, I'm positive. No, I did not call you a liar. Actually, I am the supervisor.
Lids and creamer are to your left.

18 comments:

  1. Lordy you're funny (a very good thing).

    I added you to my little LJ friends list as I'm learning more about life in Sacramento as there's a 50-50 chance I'll end up there later this year.

    (I'll keep reading this as well.)

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  2. Very Funny! Thanks for the late morning giggle.

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  3. I love the mantra-like zen-ness of Lids and Creamer Are to Your Left. Thanks for reminding me why I don't work in a capacity that requires me interacting with the masses.

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  4. I made coffee for a living for exactly one month before it had to stop.... Thanks for the memories!

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  5. Oh that is awesome. I bow down to you now.

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  6. Thanks for that. Will share this with my colleagues, am sure they will get a kick out of it.

    We have similar experiences...

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  7. So, since you have experience in this field... What is up with people that order these messed up half soy half cream low fat part sugar part skimmed cane root mochafrapuccinos? When did ordering a freaking coffee become a small lecture? Was there a pattern with these type of people? OCD?

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  8. Paul - I think people are just dicks when it comes to overdone essay long orders for coffee.

    It's why I drink tea.

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  9. Glad I am not alone in that general feeling and in the tea drinking. Have you been to Hina's Tea yet?

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  10. I have to say, after working in a coffee shop for over 3 years whilst I was in college, your essay couldn't be any more right on. I could almost smell the coffee beans and hear the grinders! Also, I have been a reader for sometime now and this is my first post, and I just want to say that you write a wonderfully informative and humorous blog. I love reading it!

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  11. Loved it! LOL!! So true. Some people seriously have no concept of personal responsiblity.

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  12. Ok, Garrett, I know you're feeling bad-luckish and all, but this Made. Me. Laugh.

    I stopped drinking coffe when I had to start explaining to the baristas that no, a cappuccino shouldn't have the same amount of milk as latte. It's espresso and foam. Please.

    Now I drink tea, too. You're the best.

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  13. Verry funny!!!

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  14. hhahaha ....wow its so gr8 to write down...specially if someone is a s gifted as you.I'm sure all your journals must be equally fun to read.

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  15. Funny stuff G!

    Lids and creamer to the left.. my new mantra for when I want to kick someones ass. I could've used it in Vegas this week.

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  16. hahahhahahhahah.......Awww...I needed that!

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  17. This is just what I needed at this moment. It is very funny. Made me smile right away.

    ~Bianca

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  18. Thanks for making me laugh on this boring and never ending day.

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Hey, you're leaving a comment! That's pretty darn cool, so thanks. If you have any questions or have found an error on the site or with a recipe, please e-mail me and I will reply as soon as possible.
~Garrett

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