My Reasons for New Jars

Friday, July 25, 2008

See, my new jars? Shiny, new, orderly. A place for everything, and everything in its place. True, you may at first attribute this to a sort of obsessive compulsory need. That I may have indeed dozens of identical jars for all my spices and keep all my napkins in tight same-folded bundles (I do).

Still, this was out of necessity.

You see, I walked into my apartment tired from work and was suddenly stuck that something was amiss. My normally well vacuumed floor was blotched with white and speckled with tan grit everywhere. Immediately the cats took off up the stairs as fast as their four little death-row fuzzy feet could climb.

A quixotic look upon my face, and near panic and horror began to set in. This was obviously going to piss me off to near biblical proportions.

The entire floor was covered in what used to be the food in my pantry. The cats had found a way to get into my dry cupboard, grab the bags of food, and then apparently have a Sugar-N-Grain-Aggeddon in my living room.

I could follow the trail where evidently a chase for a bag of powdered sugar had taken place. A snowy path weaved through the legs of the dining table and chairs and over the couch, then back to the kitchen. A second set of paw prints imprinted themselves in the freshly marked white speedway.

Dessicated coconut was in small piles here and there. Apparently one attempted to eat it and when the other cat came to investigate he would pick up his tropical treasure and begin his grazing once again.

Bags of yeast had been gorged and vomited like a Kitty-Kate Moss with a sandwich. I worried that bits of yeast in their stomach would kill them before I had the chance to do so myself. Turns out it just gave them the runs, gas, and small kitty burps of sorts. FUN!

Lentils were everywhere, I could here them click and crunch under my shoes. They were invisible against the backdrop of my carpet. The cats apparently did not care for them, but insisted on destroying the bag anyway out of a sense of destructive totality. If you're going to do something, go all the way right?

Needless to say, there was much yelling. As I cleaned I chased them a bit with the vacuum, which only served to cause fear which apparently leads to more yeasty cat farts.

Afterwards I threw most everything away, went to World Market and bought some jars, restocked my basics, and packed everything away. My weekend project is also to install some child-locks on all cabinets.

They can't crack those, I hope.

33 comments:

  1. "Yeasty cat farts." I love it! At least you got some new jars to compensate.

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  2. And suddenly I'm thankful I have an unambitious cat who is content to lay about and just grow fatter with each day.

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  3. Oh dear, what an unpleasant sight to come home to. Hopefully the side effects have taught them a lesson.
    On the plus side you get some shiny new jars.

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  4. First time I've read your blog, but one of the greatest, funniest cat and food (my two favorite things?) essay ever. Thanks!

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  5. Loved your kitty story! Brought back great memories of my dogs, they would jump up on the kitchen counter and eat my sweet peppers from the garden and once bit open a bottle of cooking oil. We did not find a drop of oil on the counter or the floor but needless to say, they spend the entire day outside as we waited for passing of of their binge.

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  6. ROFL! You poor thing!

    Good luck with the child locks.

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  7. Me loves an organized pantry and I am now jealous of yours. Not sure what is keeping me from heading to Cost Plus and doing the same. Oh wait, yeah I do...my 5 month old daughter. Sigh....for now my pantry will have to remain jumbled.

    You should nominate yours for theperfectpantry.com

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  8. oh no! i just bought about 8 of those amazing latch-top glass canisters at ikea in assorted sizes, and i don't even have a cat - they just make sense!

    enjoy the new storage :-)

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  9. Sorry for your pain, but this just made my day:

    "As I cleaned I chased them a bit with the vacuum, which only served to cause fear which apparently leads to more yeasty cat farts."

    Btw, LOVE the jars

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  10. This is probably the most funny thing I've read on a blog! I have 3 cats, so I am SO familliar with those types of adventures. If I came home to that mess, I think my cats would hide for a week after, out of fear of my wrath, because I would probably yell for hours! What a mess! At least you're extra organized now! So funny, yet not! I'm just glad the cats are seemingly fine.

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  11. Oh oh, don't think the jars will stop their game/hunting! Sadder and wiser, now I know: only a locked door will stop the ambitious and frolicking felix domesticata.

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  12. I had nearly the exact same experience with 2 greyhounds - they ransacked the bottom 3 shelves of the pantry and got into rice, lentils, hot cocoa, a bag of beer hops, a bag of tortilla chips... the list goes on and on. The carpet in the living room was a wreck, and the dogs lay amongst the carnage, smiling....

    I feel for you. Nice jars. I'm going to World Market right now!

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  13. Oh boy...lucky you. Time to "Wok" the cats. "Yeasty cat farts" I don't even want to know what that smelled like.

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  14. Dang, you are a great writer...I could see the whole thing and had to chuckle (what a fun word). Thanks.

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  15. that sounds like something my kids would do. and when i say "would", i mean, "did". *sigh* i hope the kid-proof locks work. seeing as how your cats don't have opposable thumbs, i'm sure they will. :)

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  16. That sounds so intense! I am impressed that you had such a quick turnaround and even managed to have a stylish solution.

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  17. oh my goodness, I'm sorry. Thanks for cheering me up on a rather gloomy monday. I'm pretty glad that my tina is just content with biting my ankles at 5.30am!

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  18. Garrett..........This is my first time reading your blog, and it's because of the "trail" generated from "Simply Recipes"......LOL LOVED your story. I have a ton of similar stories, as my family of Bassett Hounds (Mom and Dad have passed, their little darling China is still with me) have had similar adventures in my kitchen. They cleaned out my bread drawer one day, and pulled out paper plates and napkins as well! All that remained of three loaves of bread were the wrappers! At least they had manners......LOL

    You have a great blog. I"m glad Elise led me to you.

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  19. OMG! My cat and your cats are first cousins! Jaxxon was mad when I was gone overnight and broke into my pantry. He also managed to open an entire bag of powdered sugar and spread it throughout the house and in gleeful defiance - just gave me an evil look when I returned home!

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  20. OMG! The horror of the situation you walked into was almost obliterated by my laughter at your references to your cats. Trust me, it's a lot like having kids!! The child locks will help.

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  21. When we moved to our new place about a year ago, I decided to jar everything and i even labeled them with labeling machins (a bit sad, i know:-) But its very organised and easy to see and definitly prevents the cat accident:-)
    X M

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  22. Cats. Can't live with them, can't cook 'em for dinner.

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  23. Oh no! While I feel bad you had to clean up after all that, I also think it is hilarious. I'm thinking I can talk my boyfriend into buying jars for the pantry now, though. We have two cats and possibly a kitten on the way, so it would be a good idea.

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  24. OMG! I am sitting here laughing out loud! I can't imagine cats making that kind of mess..dogs yes. I'm glad the worst mine is up to is leaving cat hair all over the place. Too much exertion to do anything more.

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  25. You had me rolling with laughter. One of my dogs recently discovered that she can get into trash bags. What a mess!

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  26. uh oh. your cats have gourmet taste, i must say.

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  27. Wow that sucks. I bet those cat burps were attractive!

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  28. Welcome to the land of compulsive wire-bale jar purchases. And why didn't you take a picture of the disaster. All cat-owners would understand...we've all lived it in some form or another. At my house, it's usually dumped house plants but occasionally kitchen garbage or a roast left out to defrost.

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  29. oh dear!!

    As a fellow cat owner and lover I feel for you I really do...between fits of giggles as I imagine what happened.

    The yeasty cat farts are just the icing on the cake for me!!

    Our cats haven't gotten through child proof locks yet

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  30. A friend of mine told me to go read your blog... that your cats were like mines.
    I see now! I laughed a lot because it is so familiar to me.
    Clouzot, Monsieur and Watson (those are the cats name) enjoy playing with food too... Who would think a cat would enjoy asparagus cooling down? Grapes all over the kitchen floor, cherry tomatoes are all over in 5 minutes if you just go away to answer the phone...
    What's this smell? An old plum removed a month ago from the fruit basket and now hidden at the back of the fridge!!!
    Thanks for the laugh!

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  31. I am a first time reader as well. Followed the link from http://trigirl2007.blogspot.com/2008/08/allez-lire-ceci.html ( it is in french)
    Very funny story. I didn't know that cats loved yeast.
    "Bags of yeast had been gorged and vomited like a Kitty-Kate Moss with a sandwich" I love it.
    thanks

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  32. I'm so sorry you had to go through this but I'm so glad you shared it with the rest of the world. I'm doing the silent laugh thing at my desk and kind of wishing I had a few furbabies at home causing an occasional ruckus :)

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  33. Dear gods, but do I sympathise with you. One of my cats takes the greatest joy in opening the door to my pantry, scaling it, and hen proceeding to decimate anything in a bag he can get his claws into. It is nothing short of a miracle that he hasn't become a bathmat yet.. Argh!

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Hey, you're leaving a comment! That's pretty darn cool, so thanks. If you have any questions or have found an error on the site or with a recipe, please e-mail me and I will reply as soon as possible.
~Garrett

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