The Eat Beast

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

This is Mace. He's an eat beast. Not only does he fly into his food so hard, face first, that his food literally explodes across the floor, he is fat. Fat and dense; the density hides how heavy he really is. He doesn't look it but he weighs about the size of a small moon, complete with his own gravatational pull. Spiders and pink catnip mice orbit his furry girth.

He's also more of a foodie than me or anyone reading this. How is that you ask? Well, the little fat bastard will steal grilled cheese sandwiches, chopped onions, bacon grease, jalepenos, chocolate, and anything you don't stop watching. He also will stalk and then leap head first into the television in order to eat the ground hogs on Animal Planet, causing some likely head trauma. We also have to watch him like a hawk around poor Cid's food bowl or Cid won't eat. I mean lord, Rob and I don't even eat like this.

He will sit by his food dish regardless how much water you spray at him, shake a can of pennies at him, blow with a can of air, and generally refuse to budge until he eats. And he lets you know this by meowing. A lot. I mean A LOT. I have even tried a light form of garlic and cayenne pepper, and all it's done is give him a love of Mexican food and the inspiration to steal my enchiladas.

Anyone have any advice?

P.S. For pictures of a hilarious fat pug, go here.

Update 8/23/06: I came home to find he ate an ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD! What the hell?! Little fatty. Hmm... maybe a trip to the vet is in order. We're definetly feeding him enough, so maybe it's a thyroid thing. Still, a whole loaf of bread?


  1. Aww....I think he's cute!

    At least he isn't a fussy eater. My cat used to have fads. If she got to try anything of ours, like cheese or fish, or if she got a taste of a different catfood, she'd refuse to eat anything else except that same treat.

    She'd sit by her bowl, looking sadly at the inferior food in it. This could go on for days before she finally gave in and went back to eating Whiskas again.

    Once, after she got ill and was in her last couple of weeks, I gave her some caviar to try. That was a mistake! That was pretty much all she ate from then on, probably because she knew she could get away with it!

  2. Hi neighbor!
    I would recommend you try some Bach Flower Remedies. you can find them at the Co-op in Davis.
    It might help your cat, who seems to be out of control with this food obsession.
    Good luck :-)

  3. hey don't be fat-cat-ist. he's not fat, he's just big boned!

  4. Ros: This one just eats everything. Still, your cat sounds like me and my fads. I'm on a salsa one right now.

    Rosa: I'll be sure to stop by and try it out! Anything is worth a shot. I tried to lecture him about the starving people in the world, but I think he would want to eat them.

    FoodKitty: Nah, cat's don't have bones. They're liquid. Pick up one when it's sleeping to prove my point.

  5. ROFL! When dh and I were first married, we lived with my cousin and her little dog, Carmel. That dog would steal sticks of butter (then barf it up later)! Once, I made a bunch of mini loaves of banana bread and left them to cool on the counter and that dog ate a bite out of each one!

  6. OMG! That is HI-larious! "Eat Beast"- I love it!

    We had two Brittany Spaniels in succession that ate (between them) half a pound of chocolate, an Easter ham, the top layer ONLY of a 3 layer chocolate cake, half a roasted chicken and anything left on a coffee table or end tables. Including a nice room temp brie that was waiting for hors d'oerves.

    East Beasts both, but we loved them anyway.

    (They probably did it to get back at us for all the times they were in repose under the glass coffee table and we dropped bits of food on the glass and laughed when they lunged.)

  7. LOL!!! I love this post! You should probably take him to the vet though, all kidding aside. I've never heard of a cat eating an entire loaf of bread though, that is interesting!

    He sure is cute!

  8. Maybe he's a dog trapped in a cat's body... time to take him on Maury.


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