Only You Can Save Girl Scouts (From Monsters)

Monday, March 1, 2010

"Want some Girl Scout Cookies?" piped the girl in the brownie colored vest. Her charcoal black braids were tied tight behind her ears framing a wide grin and hazel eyes.

"Nah, it's okay. I'm good." I had already punished two boxes of Thin Mints yesterday and I didn't think it wise to go for a new personal record. She would have to scout out another cookie-craving person to push her wares on.

"Are you sure? They support the Girl Scouts."

"Obviously, but no, thank you." I put up my hand and began to walk around her.

"What? Well what about for your girlfriend? Boyfriend? Boss? Someone you can buy love from with cookies?" she followed me waving the colorful boxes, her braids bouncing with entrepreneurial fury.

"Uhh, I'm okay. Dang." I pushed past her. Intrigued, but stalwart.

She stopped moving and yelled, "You have to buy these cookies." This was no longer a question, but a command.

"Oh?" I turned around to face my pint sized superior. My eyebrow raised and I smirked, "And why is that?"

"If you don't -" and I shit you not she said this, "- some giant tentacle monster will rip open the sky and devour me. The four dollars in your pocket are the only sacrifice I can offer that will keep me safe."

Quiet pause.

"Damn. Wow. Okay. That's the best reason for a box of cookies ever. Here's four dollars. I'll take some Thin Mints."

"Thank you," she squeaked. She scampered over to her Den Mother then came back with a green box and dollar.

"You know you're going to take over the world someday right?" I noted, turning to go into the market.



  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. ahahaha! you're much more careful than i...i would have said "oh, that'd be interesting to witness" and then actually wait for a good two minutes and see if she still persisted in perpetuating her monster theory. really.

    i should just say that you are obviously the better person. shoot.

  3. Both my kids are selling GS cookies right now--we are totally adding this to our sales pitch!

  4. I also became the proud owner of GS cookies over the weekend. My boxes came with a killer duet from two adorable Daisies (one dressed as a cookie) while the third did a little dance. It was truly not possible to say no.

  5. Wow, I should have used a line like that when I was selling GS cookies back in the day.

  6. I wonder if that scout was from the same gang that was outside Nugget one year. They got people to buy cookies from them to donate to a senior nursing home. Oh, and maybe a box or 2 for yourself?

  7. That was positively amazing. I was never that tenacious when I was a brownie... They certainly have gotten more creative since I was a kid!

    Oh and even though you probably don't want to know this, Keebler makes Grasshoppers- which are EXACTLY the same as Thin Mints. The months between the deliveries can be brutal- Withdrawal pains and whatnot so some Grasshoppers are a welcome haven.

  8. I guess you should be happy that she went for the deer in the headlights approach, than the tire iron. I'm guessing that was her next step?

  9. Very nice post!! I love that cheeky sales tactic!! GS points for creativity!!

  10. Thin mints? Good choice! Now you can make Thin Mint Pie :)

  11. GS cookies are out now? I need to go find them. I love the Caramel delight :-)

  12. Gross. To teach children to use such crass commercialism is vulgar beyond words. It's time get past the idea that success should be measured in monetary units (or boxes of cookies) and start asking ourselves what kind of world we want to create alongside our children, not just teach them to succumb to its less moral aspects. Sigh. Sorry, Garrett. That's not really aimed at you. I just get discouraged when I see people look at the entreprenurial spirit as the be-all and end-all of life when it is still possible to create beauty and mutuality.

  13. Don - I understand where you are coming from, but I saw it as one of the most creative little girls ever using her imagination and skills to get a job done.

    Plus, it's Girl Scouts, the money goes to charity or to help support girl scouts so they can learn useful skills for their futures. =)

  14. That just made my day, but I am rather upset I missed my girl scout cookie chances this year san diego for some reason does not last that long for cookie sales :< I guess I will have to bake them on my own

  15. LOL, she deserved her sale for being so persistent and creative! I do agree, she probably will take over the world one day...

  16. As a former Girl Scout I must confess that the group has us beat, by far. I was not nearly this clever when I sold them in elementary school!

  17. That is HILARIOUS! I am assuming this was said by some brilliant child outside the Raley's on Folsom Blvd? they are EVIL but GOOD! LOVE your blog!


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