Ginger Fiend in a Ponytail

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

So many of you may recall the horrendous story of Snotty Grapes Child and his psychopathic screech owl of a mother, her voice causing ears to spontaneously bleed and their sense of common sense to commit ritual seppuku.

Well, this is a story along similar lines... I was at Whole Foods filling up on wild rice, a task which usually takes me a few minutes as I try analyze each bin trying to find what type of grain really speaks to me like some kind of culinary Cosmo quiz. As I slowly made my way to inspect the black emperor rice, I noticed a child next to me analyzing some candied ginger.

I gave it no real mind. She was probably eight, an adorable rosy-cheeked girl with shiny bobbles putting her hair in a ponytail. The child was quiet and, I assumed, getting some ginger for her parents as she had a bag in her hands.

As I plunged the scooper into the pitch pool of rice, I noticed the child suddenly open the bin and eat one of the candied ginger. Now, most of you may think I would freak. Not true (kinda a shock, isn't it?). Honestly, I do the same. I taste before I buy and think it's fine to do so, especially if it's something new.

She popped it into her mouth, looked at me and I smiled and chuckled a bit. She smiled back. It was an adorable little Kodak moment.

She then turned and popped another in her mouth. I chose to just turn away and ignore it. Not my problem. Plus it was cute. Very, Little Rascals. Then the delicate fingers morphed into paws. I looked back and she was double fisting the candied ginger into her mouth like she'd win a prize.

Her cheeks were swollen with ginger, as if she was a chipmunk storing nuts for winter. Drool poured from her mouth and on to her shirt. The image reminded me of a party I went to in college when my friend had a beer bong get away from him and splatter his new white Biology Club shirt. I mean, this was just... well funny, but also gross. Seriously, that ginger bin needs to be thrown out. But I swear to God... it was like watching a human Eat Beast.

I turned around and left as she plunged her hand into the barrel, pawing out more like a dog digging under a fence. I didn't want to deal with this one. I didn't care what the parent was going to do. I just wanted to leave the sticky scene.

And from now on, I buy my candied ginger prepackaged.


  1. I'm so relieved she didn't spill any chewed stuff back to the bin.... :-0

  2. yikes. I have been eyeing their candied ginger garrett. Now I must refrain :)

  3. Oh. Ick.

    That's when you need a Candid Camera moment with a hand coming out of the ginger to scare the crap out of the little monster.

  4. I thought for sure you were going to say she spit the ginger back into the bin.. LOL you do attract them don't you? At least this time it was the candied ginger and not you.

  5. Ugh. This is why I refuse to buy anything from a bulk bin. I'd rather pay extra to not have someone's unwashed fingers all over my food.

  6. That's where I usually find myself muttering "where's your mother?!?!?"

    And I'm sure mommy would think that was just oh-so-super cutsie-putsie.


  7. Oh, yikes and yuck. I am a Mom, I have sometimes unruly kids, but the worst they've ever done is eat a plum they grabbed off the shelves as we trolled by. I grabbed a second plum to pay for the eaten one and life was fine.

    This is ridiculous though. You pay for food first, especially if you buy by weight. If you grab a bunch of grapes and snack your way through half the bunch before buying you've essential stolen half a abunch of grapes. If you take "free" candy out of the bin it's no different, there's still a tallied loss somewhere.

    (makes a face)

    I'll pass on the bulk bins.

  8. Oh, I remember Snotty Grape Boy! I told all my friends about that incident, you had me rolling, I couldn't believe that mother. Wouldn't it be hilarious if he grew up and married Candied Ginger Girl?

  9. But what would the children look like????

  10. oh gawd..I was expecting you to say that she upchucked the ginger back in the container. I'd have to smack my boys upside the head right then and there.

    I HATE people eating the produce or whatever when they go grocery shopping...then they try and look cool eating an apple in one hand and pushing the cart in the other. retards.

  11. On a similar note, I've seen kids pick their noses and finger yarns, so big name craft stores are OUT now. Dammit.


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