On Cats, Black Cornbread, and Nudity

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

From the Archives...
An old entry I found from a LiveJournal I kept back in college. Hope you enjoy!

So deciding to bake some delish n' shibby cornbread, I whipped up some batter, let it pour into the set baking dish, and popped it into the oven for the said 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

Simple right? I've got 30 minutes to take a quickie shower and clean my groady self. Why am I baking before I shower you ask? Because I felt like it and I don't answer to you, so nyah. So I hop in the shower, groom myself all purty and hop on out.

"Hmm..." I think to myself, sniffing the air, "Smell's like burning." Gentle towel dry to prevent split ends and flaky scalp, and suddenly the hamster hits the wheel.

"Oh Jesus." Eyes wide as dinner plates.

Quickly fumbling the towel on and making a sort of tuck-in knot thingy. Normally I would have just run naked, but today would be the day that my blinds are pulled up, and the people living in the apartment next door right outside my window picnicing. Natch.

Switch to the P.O.V. of the said picnicers:

"It is a lovely fall day, isn't it Cecil?" *I have no idea what their names are, but Cecil sounds fine enough right now. And I added a British accent.

Oh, but it is Miss Archer, it most certainly is."

"I say, but look in that window. Is he running around almost naked? Whoop, never mind, the towel dropped. I guess he's running around fully naked now."

"And still in the kitchen? Odd. I say, do you smell burning?"

Switch back to me now.

So yes, running like a screaming, sociopathic nudist I throw the smoldering brick into the sink and let the water go. In the process of all this I have slipped on the tile, almost burnt myself, and of course I dropped the towel. I think of covering myself for minute with a fry pan, but 1) that would be just too cliche', and 2) I realize the counter now blocks me from the waist down.

Screw it.

Looking down I see the timer busted, a salt shaker, and an oven mitt on the floor. The dial for the stove is now maxed at 500 degrees. Apparently Cid was playing and in the process, he then slipped off the stove and knocked into everything. God damn cat.

I turn around and wave to the people trying not to look into the apartment of the mad, swearing, now naked crazy person. I wave. Smile. Grab my towel. I go back to the bathroom.

And I really wanted that cornbread. *sniff*


  1. Great story--I laughed out loud! Gives new meaning to "The Naked Chef," doesn't it? Unfortuate about the cornbread though. Better luck next time. Perhaps you should have another go at it, make a double recipe and take a loaf over to the neighbors.

  2. Ha! Haven't we all been there... well, maybe not literally, but you know...

    It's always funnier in retrospect, isn't it?! ;-)

  3. That may be the best story ever. And it was really suspenseful for a second when I couldn't figure out how your timer fell over and your oven got turned up. I thought you had a ghost!

    That WOULD be what I would think ... rather than the logical truth.

    Welcome to my world, where ghosts are more plausible than cats.

  4. Sorry about the cornbread. It's terrible when you are anticipating a certain item and then disaster strikes.

    Funny post. At least you didn't stoop to having the neighbors viewing a weenie roast or something. Not that I'd ever stoop to humor like that. Huh-uh. Not me. Never.

  5. It is pretty funny in retrospect. Oh, if I could only count the number of time I somehow accidentally ended up naked in front of people... *sigh*

    I made more cornbread, so it was all good in the end!

  6. OMG, you're hysterical! Easy add to my google reader! :)

  7. What a mental picture. Too funny.

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  9. hilarious... I just installed curtains over my apartment miniblinds this past weekend to prevent incidents like that! :)

  10. I have a similarly horrifying story from years gone by, minus the nakedness. On the fated day, I thought I'd actually prepare a white trash lunch of kd to pack with me off to work (payday being in the VERY distant future). Me packing a lunch was and still is a rare event. I set some water on to boil in a rickety pot and traipsed off towards the bathroom for a brief shower. Naturally, I left the kd water cranked to max. While waiting for the water to boil, I thought I'd have a quick shower. I'd then pop out and stir in some noodles to cook while working magic on my hairdo, etc. A-hem. And then, the phone rang. And rang again. And then, I had a shower. Finally, I remembered the water boiling away on the stove. I raced from the bathroom with thoughts of dread in my head and weird smells in my apartment. I rounded the corner into the kitchen half expecting to see the stove engulfed in flames. Naturally, it wasn't, although there was a fair amount of molten pot pooling on the element. Cleverly, I whipped up the pot by the handle (what was remaining of the pot, that is) and further exacerbated the problem. Strings of metal now haphazardly criss-crossed all over the stove. I abandoned the entire mess and left for work sans lunch. Needless to say, I am a awesome roommate.

  11. I have no idea why, but for the longest time, I always thought you were a girl! I'm so terrible! That's what I get for reading your posts while I'm multi-tasking at work, jeez. That's a hilarious story. I'd love to say that I've been there, but that would be a lie. I don't think I've ever been in as many noteworthy situations as you have!!


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