Bits of Foodish Wisdom That Spurned From My Foul Mood

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I am making a giant vat of cookie dough right now. Because when it rains, it pours. And when it pours, make cookie dough and eat it by the spoonful. So while I indulge in sweet smelling baked goods, let me impart some other bits of wisdom brought on through anger of my car's tire breaking... for the third time. And learning the people who fixed my brakes broke the bolts. And waiting outside in 100 degree heat for 2 hours.

When life gives you lemons, heave 'em back at life's face and chuck in a couple of your own.

Don't cry over split milk. Instead, lose it in front of everyone while you rock yourself in a corner covering your ears and squeezing your eyes shut. Then cry. It's much more dramatic and wins far more sympathy.

If you spill salt, remember to toss some over your left shoulder to ward off bad luck. Plus, you may get someone in the eye. Nothing helps a bad mood more than passing it on to someone else.

The second you take off your sandals to walk around in the grass barefoot to wait for the taxi to take your sweaty-from-the-heat ass home and abandon your car at work (praying it doesn't get vandalized in some way), that will be the moment you step on the apricot pit you forgot you discarded only mere moments ago.

And because it's funny, to the vegetarians I say this; red meat is not bad for you. Smelly, old, greenish-brown meat is.

That has nothing to do with bad things, but damn it, it makes me smile a bit. As does this following joke. What is a robot's tongue made of?

Wait for it...

Tungsten! Get it!?

Anywhose, cheers everybody. Will do my best to post something more substantial and less angry tomorrow. I'm going to brood over how to pay for all this car repair with my cookie dough now.


  1. Having a crap day?

    At least it's Friday, you get two days reprieve from the rat race.

    Hope things look up soon.

    I took the day off and turned off my mobile phone as well. May as well enjoy this very very very rare sunny weather we are having.

    Am sick to death of putting out fires and work and figured they could cope one day without me.

  2. Can you try to barter a brake job for baked goods, some otter pelts, and wampum? Man, I miss the old days.

    I personally am taking a vacation day today and am enjoying this freedom while still getting paid. Of course, I'm still checking e-mails and voicemails; but hey, I still haven't bathed, and that counts for something.

    Maybe a vacation day for you is in order?

  3. Sorry to hear about the car, Garrett. Since your tire is being fixed for the third time, maybe this time it will stay fixed (beause the third time is the charm and all that?). I hope your weekend improves! Enjoy the cookie dough. =)

  4. Expectedly I'm sure, the first thing I thought of was: BAKE SALE! Although, I'm sure a bake sale woul dnot nearly pull in enough...dough. Haha.

    I'm glad to hear that you have a sense of humor - albeit sarcastic, the best kind - throughout the nastiness that life have brought you. Hang in there, things will get better - they always do!! Especially for the good ones (which you are).


  5. Hope your day is looking up after the cookies. That always works for me, too. :)

  6. Hey, Garrett.

    Diggin' your work, man.


  7. OMG!!! All good, but that was the funniest & probably most true!!

    "Nothing helps a bad mood more than passing it on to someone else".

    I had to LOL on that one... plus it kinda picked my bad mood up (on a Fri. no less). I'm still laughing just thinkin' about it! When that mood hits me (quiet often) I try to keep to myself, but NOW, I can hardly wait to try it out Monday on a chosen few........

  8. OMG!!! I totally know how you feel hon! I have days like this all the time. I actually took my car to get an oil change about a month ago and now I feel like its something new everyday! GRRRRR..... I love how you deal though!! I cry too for the sympathy.... this works for us because we're beautiful and people hate to see beautiful people cry.... Well that's what my husband says! LOL! :D

  9. If I were nearby I would pick you up in my gigundimous minivan, sans wee ones, and we would drive to tiny, out of the way bakeries and we would indulge in a sugar high of epic proportion.

    All the while, we would be chucking lemons out the window and taking random photos of the people that we managed to hit.

    And then I would find you a new mechanic.

    Since I am not near you in any manner, you have to close your eyes and imagine it... while eating an orange sour cream cupcake with chocolate icing.

  10. When life gives you lemons, squirt them in someone's eye.

    T-shirts coming soon.

    Btw, the cupcakes you make always look great.

  11. Car repairs suck! There is nothing wose than having to spend money on the old cr that you need just to get you to work! Rant away!


Hey, you're leaving a comment! That's pretty darn cool, so thanks. If you have any questions or have found an error on the site or with a recipe, please e-mail me and I will reply as soon as possible.

Vanilla Garlic All rights reserved © Blog Milk Powered by Blogger