Dear Coffee Bitch...

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Dear Coffee Bitch,

I'm sorry your little emo-attitude, life-is-so-hard-and-no-one-understands-me lifestyle is deranging your brain and outlook on life. I'm sorry you hate your job, but you know what? Don't take it out on me.

When I went up to you and told you, "I'm sorry, there's no milk in my coffee, and there some banana stuff in here when it should be mocha," you were a total punk. You looked at the drink, sneered at me, and grunted as you swiped it away, chucked it in the trash indignantly, and went upon your arduous and labor heavy task of making my order correctly.

If a simple correct order disgruntles you so much, your life must really suck. Or you're a dick. I'm guessing the latter.

I haven't felt so unwelcome in a long time. I was a burden to you at your place of work. You ruined a place I go to usually, and normally enjoy with sheer delight. Sorry to dispose you even longer from the conversation with your co-worker about Paris Hilton or whatever underground emo band bullshit you think is so damn important.

Yet, as I looked at your tip jar on which was taped a cute little and common (it was on the tip jar at the coffee shop I worked at) tip jar slogan "KARMA'S A BITCH" I could only think one thing.

How true.

"How very true," I said aloud as my hand passed over the jar and deposited my change in my pocket where it so rightly belonged.

Do yourself a favor. Take your crack pipe (your eyes were the giveaway), stab yourself with it, and let the coffee shop hire someone else who knows how to do their job, and knows something about customer service.

Going to throw the coffee in your face next time I have to deal with your bull-crap.


  1. yes ...
    I had the same thing happen at Panera Bread a year or so back. The customer service was horrible. I wrote about it in my blog (when I had one that I wrote in, now it is just pictures) and the CEO of Panera responded and blamed it on rapid expansion, the employee pool for that type of position, etc, etc, etc.

    I've always thought that shit rolls down hill. An attitude like the one you are describing is permitted because it is allowed from the top. Attitudes like that shouldn't be in customer service. It's the management's fault for allowing her to stay.

    Sorry that your enjoyment has been ruined, I've not stepped foot into a Panera Bread since that day ...

  2. I've had a similar experience. Those types of employees ruin your favorite coffee shop, book store, or restaurant. It's really management's fault for enabling such behavior. The silver lining is karma, what you put out will come back. I'm sorry your morning started on bad note.

  3. Ha ha! I LOVE this post as much as I despise bad service. And I am a real bitch about it when I am not treated well.

  4. You go Garrett. I hope you print this out and leave it for her at the store.

  5. I had the same thing happen at the sandwich shop near college. Same girl got my order wrong three days running and then bitched quite openly at her friends about me (in Polish admittedly, but you could still tell) when I made her change the order. Horrid woman. I complained to the manager and never went back again.

  6. Ahhh yes. A Coffee Bitch totally ruined the lovely Chocolate bistro for me here in Davis. I vowed never to go again (and stormed out in a huff). Thank you for saving me money oh Coffee Bitch!

  7. Dang, we're like nearly on the same page an junk. I just put up a rant yesterday. Neat.


  8. It amazes me how people with screwed attitudes get jobs and actually keep them. In Australia we don't have to tip anyone, it's not required our minimum wage is about $17 an hour for a shop assistant, even then they don't care. I get so damn sick of going to the supermarket and the sales girl doesn't even look at you. I feel like giving them a quick slap in the head and saying 'snap out of it will ya!' Bloody Wankers!!!

    Love the post and the venting :)

  9. so true.... and if you give them shit back they act all offended, like they have been super nice to you and you are being such a bitch to them!!

  10. Is there a column for "coffee jackass?" I got the same treatment at the local mega-bucks, but from a guy. He watched one girl try to keep up with 8-12 customers as another guy went on break. When a woman asked him (as he sat at a table), "Shouldn't you help?" he replied, "I still have four mintues on my break."

    Thank God we now have an espresso maker at home!

  11. Well written rant. You've said it for a lot of us. A similar essay appeared in Palm Springs Life magazine regarding lack of manners at the cashier's stand.

  12. garret, you don't know bad service until you've visited the Netherlands for any length of time. good gravy, sometimes i just have to laugh because it's so in your face rude, and sometimes i have to resort to my evil twin and nasty, because it's too much to take. lack of manners, respect and pride in one's job, is universal, unfortunately.

  13. You had me at "Dear Coffee Bitch." My BF and I frequently remark, of these emo types, that they just *look* like their underwear is a day or two old, as well. ::still laughing::


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