Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I have a love-hate relationship with Crate & Barrel. I love the furniture, but hate how far out of my price range it all is. But someday, after I rig the lottery get a high paying job and earn the money (yeah, right, I plan to teach once my M.A. is done) I'll get that awesome table set.

Anyways, I was there replacing the tagine my mom got for me; it had cracked in the oven so I needed to pick up a new one. When exchanging it, the girl behind the counter informed me to my utter delight that the tagine was now on sale so I was free to roam the store and trivially spend an extra $2o.

Oh, the joy of frivolously spending free money!

As I danced in my own candy store, hovering over place mats, fawning about the flatware, enveloping myself in curtain samples, and mentally putting together future bedroom sets in my head I couldn't help but smile. Then suddenly a shrill cry shattered the air whilst I was fondling the display bedding.

"Oh, we can just get this table! It's no worry, if my husband doesn't like it, we'll give it to someone else, or take it back, or throw it away or whatever!"

I stared at her, and her tight, tan, personally trained body. Her suspiciously perky breasts. Her too taught face with a slight bit of healing still occurring around the professionally highlighted hairline. She waved her bangled wrists as she motioned to some benches. "Package these up too! They look good with this table!" They didn't.

"Ooo! What's this?" she squealed to the poor part-timer whom she had enslaved. She strolled up to the tagine display.

"A tagine. It's used in African cooking or something."

"I'll get one of those too, it'll look good on the mantle." She then gracefully turned around on her Gucci 3 inch heels and went to conquer another section of the store.

And I was angry.

I was, in fact, furious. For lots of reasons. For self-deserving air-heads being able to do what I could only wish for simply because they were born well-off and married rich. Angry that she didn't seem to care about anything but looks and possessions. Angry that I was only just starting grad school, and had so long to go until I could get a home of my dreams. Even then, I doubt I could do it on a whim, like her.

And then, I calmed down. I'm 24. My life is pretty good where it is, and I'm working hard to make it better. Plus, she might get scarring from the plastic, and her skin is destined to become like a weathered leather handbag you find in your granny's attic, so yayness there.

We all succumb to jealousy. We're only human after all. Plus, I at least know how to use the tagine.


  1. 1) The neighbor with more money (and taste) will come for coffee and laugh her ass off at the tagine on the mantle. She will later blog about the faux pas on her blog so the other catty women on the block can have a laugh too.

    2) The husband will return from work, won't like it, and demand she return it.

    3) The husband will accompany her to the store on the merchandise returning visit.

    4) A cute male sales clerk will flirt with the husband.

    5) The husband will flirt back.

    6) The wife will have a breakdown and rush to her doctor's office to have ass fat injected into her lips.

    7) The husband will wave goodbye to her from the barbecue accessory display.

    8) The husband will ask you if you want a new dining room table -- free.

    9) You, Rob, the sales clerk and the husband will form a dinner club and meet monthly to eat dinner at your house, at the dining room table that brought you all together.

    10) World peace will be realized.

  2. Even when you can spend money like that, you won't flash it around in public like she did. She sounds like serious amateur hour to me.

  3. too funny! Must have married into money and doesn't know she shouldn't flaunt it.. how crass!


  4. Sounds like she was the worst kind of kugel, or plastic paddy, or whatever you call loud, brash, new money in your part of the world...

    I think in comparison to most 24 year olds you are doing extremely well for where you are in your life - at 30 I can't say I have achieved the half of what you have.

    All good thing come to those who wait (and save, and work, and plot, etc).

    Plus, when your time comes I can only imagine your home will be kitted out with better style than what that woman subjects her husband and visitors to now...

  5. I do love acme's scenario but I always remember that commercial with the huge smile on his face with his lawn and pool and house and.....glazed over look..."and I'm in debt up to my eyeballs..". I'm quite certain that people like that will crash hard. I'm not happy about it but it keeps me from envying them. Besides she's probably white trash that married well (for now until her boobies leak and fall) and white trash is seldom far from the trailer park.

  6. annoying! I love that store SO much too. I usually leave with either the free catalogue or... when I'm feeling particularly frivolous, the dish towels from the sale section. That store is amazing!

    That woman is totally annoying though. You have a right to be angry!

  7. I envy her. She must be bored. And lazy.

    And besides - she doesn't get any bloggy lurve.

    (I've had YEARS of practice at the anti-envy justification development!)

  8. Dearest,

    Next time, when confronted with such a person, do what any sane person of good taste and judgement would do:

    Pick up the nearest delightfully-soft pillow, caress it lovingly...

    Then smother her with it.

  9. i dont even know what a tagine is; but i will find out. i am planning on winning tonights lottery as well.

  10. LOL! Love that story! I often feel like that around people like her...jealous and angry all at the same time. Oh well, I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, doesn't it?

    p.s. What did you end up spending the $$ on?

  11. I used the extra cash on some new placemats and a table runner, all of which gave me joy. It's the blue cloth you might have been seeing in a lot of the photos recently.

  12. it just me or does anyone else think that placing a piece of cookware on a mantle might look retarded (unless of course it's antique or whatever - but that's not really my style).

    Granted, the new tangines from C&B and Williams-Sonoma are gorgeous - but if you know what they are, it seems rather silly to have them on display anywhere else other than your countertop.

    I'd honestly love to see what their house looks like. She'll probably stick some pussy willow out the top of the tangine fireplace displace, they probably have a Le Creuset on the entryway table to hold mail and she probably keeps her makeup brushes organized in brightly glazed ramekins. The Enclume pot rack hanging in her closet with Manolos dangling from each hook is just OVERBOARD though, don't you think? ;)

  13. Why didn't I catch that the first time around? A tagine on the mantle? A tagine on the mantle!!!! What an a**hole!! Right there you win.

  14. You are spot on.
    Anyhow, floppy is the new perky. Doesnt she realise?

  15. I feel ya. Three degrees later, I am still not sure I will ever make money at my career. With my budget right now, going all out means having bath towels that ACTUALLY match. Woo hoo.

  16. I completely agree with you. I often find myself trying to remember how good my life is, I have a family that cares about me, a roof over my head, enough food in my stomach (sometimes too much), and a warm bed to crawl into at night.


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