Jewish Friend Aaron: "Well, here I am eating it, so I guess that shoots down your theory."
Me: "You can't because you're Jewish. You're being a bad Jew, you're cousin is so gonna kill you."
JFA: "Only if I get caught. The act of not eating kosher is only defined by the act of getting caught.
Me: "And by holy scripture, plus G-d is watching."
JFA: "He's too busy, it's other Jews I watch out for."
Me: "So thank G-d for tic-tacs?"
Me: "Still, when did you get a love for bacon?"
JFA: "My uncle slipped it to us when we were kids. We were corrupted early. Bacon and Melissa Ethridge." My friend throws the horns and head bangs a bit before taking another bite of bacon burger.
Me: "Still, doesn't G-d get pissed when you eat meat with dairy, shellfish, and pig?"
JFA: "Don't forget camel. For Jews, camel is the other forbidden white meat."
Me: "Really? No camel?"
JFA: "Nothing with cloven hooves and that chews it's own cud."
Me: "I'll keep that in mind. But seriously, why bacon for lunch today and not, say, oysters?"
JFA: "Well, sometimes I really really just have a craving for it, so I sneak a piece by ordering a burger with bacon on it. It's religiously painful, but it gives me joy. Sue me."
Me: "So you're a matzochist?"
JFA: "Ha ha, Clever. I am so using that come Passover."