Sunday, August 19, 2007

Me: "I smell bacon. Are you eating bacon? You can't eat bacon."

Jewish Friend Aaron: "Well, here I am eating it, so I guess that shoots down your theory."

"You can't because you're Jewish. You're being a bad Jew, you're cousin is so gonna kill you."

JFA: "Only if I get caught. The act of not eating kosher is only defined by the act of getting caught.

Me: "And by holy scripture, plus G-d is watching."

JFA: "He's too busy, it's other Jews I watch out for."

Me: "So thank G-d for tic-tacs?"

JFA: "Precisely."

Me: "Still, when did you get a love for bacon?"

JFA: "My uncle slipped it to us when we were kids. We were corrupted early. Bacon and Melissa Ethridge." My friend throws the horns and head bangs a bit before taking another bite of bacon burger.

Me: "Still, doesn't G-d get pissed when you eat meat with dairy, shellfish, and pig?"

JFA: "Don't forget camel. For Jews, camel is the other forbidden white meat."

"Really? No camel?"

JFA: "Nothing with cloven hooves and that chews it's own cud."

"I'll keep that in mind. But seriously, why bacon for lunch today and not, say, oysters?"

"Well, sometimes I really really just have a craving for it, so I sneak a piece by ordering a burger with bacon on it. It's religiously painful, but it gives me joy. Sue me."

Me: "So you're a matzochist?"

JFA: "Ha ha, Clever. I am so using that come Passover."


  1. I'm with Aaron.... but don't tell anyone. Turkey bacon is no substitute for the real thing, and once every 10 years or so, I need a real BLT. Whaddaya gonna do?

  2. Just hilarious!
    I've got a few moslem friends who are into bacon and alcohol as well...
    It is all a matter of getting caught, alright.

  3. Ha! There were a few times during my Dad's super-zealous vegetarian days when I'd come down in the mornings to find him eating bacon sandwiches. The first time he claimed it was that fake quorn bacon, but you can so tell the difference just by looking at it.

  4. are so freakin' clever...I am still laughin.

  5. Along with the recipes...posts like this one are what make Vanilla Garlic my favorite food blog. :)


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